The Paintball War
by Xeron.Got.it.memorized
Summary: A paintball War is started on the North Pier, but quickly deteriorates to defending themselves from a surprise Wraith attack. And what's this? Replicators? Eventual Sheyla.
1. Chapter 1

John pointed to the map on the wall. "Okay, Lorne, you, Zelenka, and SG-2 have your base here. SG-1 and Colonel Carter, we have our base here." He points to another spot on the map. "Any questions?"

"Yes! Why does a stupid, little, paintball fight have to take the entire North Pier?" Rodney started whining already. John sighed.

"Because Colonel Carter said we needed something fun. And this out-voted studying the ZPM." John rolled his eyes at Rodney's vote. "Even Zelenka voted for the paintball war. Now, gear up and head to your respective bases. War starts in 30 minutes." Sg-1 and Sam ran out of the room towards the makeshift armory. There, they loaded up with guns, vests, and extra ammunition.

From there, they ran to their base. "Now, we need a plan. Rodney, you and Teyla stay here. You can defend it. Ronon, Colonel Carter and I will attack their base and hope we don't get shot." Teyla looked at him with reproach in her brown eyes.

"Why must I stay behind?" Teyla was surprised and a little insulted. Did he not think her a good fighter? Was he trying to protect her? If so, she was flattered, but she'd prefer to be out in the action.

"Because I don't want you to get hurt and because someone needs to keep McKay from running off to his lab." John realized how Teyla felt and his eyes widened. "Oh, geez. I'm sorry. Did you think that I thought you weren't good enough? I'm sorry. I am so sorry. Did I say I was sorry?" Teyla laughed at John's apologies.

"Yes. Several times, in fact. Are you done yet? We must prepare." Teyla reminded him. John nodded. In his haste to apologize, he had forgotten the war.

He held up what looked like a grenade. "This is a paint grenade. Works the same as a regular one. Pull the pin and throw it. These, however do not cause an explosion. Well, a regular explosion. There is a paint can inside these. Paint goes everywhere." Everyone nodded. Well, not Rodney, he was still grumbling about being forced to participate.

"Use them sparingly, we only have a dozen." And with that, the war started.


	2. Chapter 2

John pulled himself tight against a wall as Major Lorne walked by, gun at the ready. Silently, he pulled the trigger sent a tiny ball of paint at Lorne. The ball met his vest and exploded, splattering the Major with bright pink paint. "Sir, you know pink isn't my color. It's yours." And Major Lorne shot John before he could react. Bright magenta was spread all over John's front.

"Major, do I look like I should wear magenta? Pink, maybe. Purple, likely. Blue, most definitely. Not magenta." John shook his head, but he was smiling. "Now, run along and defend-" He was cut off by the sound of wraith blasts. "Major! Get to the Jumper Bay! Colonel Carter!" He tapped his earpiece.

"Colonel Sheppard, get to the chair room. We need you to start firing drones at the hive ships." John dropped his gun and ran to the chair room, stripping off his paint covered vest as he went. When he arrived, he immediately sat down in the chair and fired drones at the two ships.

Not thirty seconds later, he heard Sam say, "Colonel Sheppard, how many drones did you fire?" He told her that he fired only about 10 drones. "Well dozens more just appeared, firing on the Wraith ship. Wait, sensors indicate that another ship is in orbit and cloaked. Rodney's done a scan and it seems to be an Aurora class battleship. Confirming whether or not it's Replicator now."

John waited for the confirmation patiently. "Confirmed. It's Replicator. Fire at will." John let loose half a dozen drones and focused on key points of the Replicator defense. "Wait! Cease fire. We're getting a transmission. It's Dr. Weir." John jumped to his feet and bolted for the control room.

He came in to see Elizabeth on the screen. "Colonel Sheppard, good to see you. How's Atlantis?" He stared for several moments until Sam coughed and snapped him back to reality. He blinked for several more moments though.

"Atlantis is fine, but how do we know you haven't been compromised?" John was suspicious of Elizabeth just showing up out of the blue. "We haven't seen you in more than six months. We'd thought they'd assimilated you and you were all Replicator."

"Actually, with the knowledge of the Replicators in my head, I managed to finish what Rodney wanted to do. They created live tissue inside my body out of themselves. Don't ask how, it's long and complicated. But I'm alive and me again. Shall I take a jumper down?" Elizabeth explained.

"Yes, Dr. Weir. Immediately, if possible." Sam was quick to say yes.

"Will do. Weir out." The screen went blank again. And John felt a strong feeling of joy knowing Elizabeth was still alive. But there was something else mixed in with the joy of her return.

It was guilt. He was guilty for being happy about Elizabeth because of his not-so-slowly growing feelings for Teyla. But why would being happy about Elizabeth's return make him feel guilty? John was confused. But still very elated about Elizabeth's return.


	3. Chapter 3

Elizabeth strode into the control room and John stared at her, at a loss for words. It was the same Elizabeth he'd seen for three years, yet she was completely different. Her hair was a little too glossy, her clothes a little too straight, her face had too little lines. She looked like she stepped out of a magazine. It wasn't right.

"Hello, Colonel Sheppard. How is everyone? I see Colonel Carter's here. Is that permanent?" Elizabeth was clearly happy to be back in Atlantis. She smiled again and John's uncertainty was eased somewhat.

"Everyone is fine. Ronon's got a girlfriend now. It's Dr. Keller. They seem to like each other well enough. And yes, Colonel Carter's stay is permanent. She's in command. And a full bird colonel now." John answered all of her questions. He was still a little suspicious of Elizabeth, but with good reason. She had been missing since they retrieved the ZPM from the Replicator planet, and that was 3 months ago.

"Really? I didn't really picture those two together, but I can't say it surprises me." Elizabeth smiled again. "And Colonel Carter, congratulations. Your promotion was well earned." John was even more nervous because she was smiling so damn much.

"Elizabeth, if you'll excuse me, I need to talk to Dr. Keller about something." With a quick nod, he ran off, searching for Doctor Keller. He finally found her in the infirmary, being thoroughly distracted by Ronon. He cleared his throat to get their attention, and when that didn't work, he shouted. "Hey! Can't you guys wait until you're off duty?"

Ronon laughed and Jen blushed before grinning too. "Uh, why should we? This place is empty. No reason to wait." Ronon told him with a grin. John shook his head in exasperation.

"Listen, I need to borrow the Doc for a few minutes. Is that okay, Ronon?" John explained. "You guys can have all your fun afterwards, but can it wait a half-hour?"

Ronon looked at Jen and sighed. "Fine, but she better not get hurt or something. Your bad luck spreads, you know." John rolled his eyes at Ronon and thanked him.

"Listen, you've probably heard Elizabeth is back in the city." He waited for her nod of confirmation. "She claims to be all human, but I don't trust her entirely. Can you run some scans to make sure she's all human?" Jen nodded. "Thanks, I'll have her here in a few."

John took back off down the hallway to the control room, but before he could get there, he ran into Teyla. Literally. He collided with her painfully. "Sorry, Teyla. Didn't see you there." She laughed and told him it was all right. "Hey, do you want to get some dinner with me later?"

"Sure, John." Teyla replied while smiling.

"Great, meet me on the North Pier around 1900 hours." And with that, John left, his suspicions of Elizabeth melted away at the thought of a date with Teyla. He was grinning like an idiot again.

On his way to the control room, he started planning how it was going to go. He knew there was a hot tub on the North pier. That was one of the reasons he picked it. He forgot about the paintball war when the Wraith started attacking and then Elizabeth had shown up. He sped up as he remembered he wanted to Keller to run some scans on her.

He arrived at the control room where Elizabeth was talking with Rodney. He walked over to them and asked Elizabeth to go to the infirmary. "Why?"

"To make sure you're really, well, you. It's not that we don't believe you, but we want to be on the safe side." Elizabeth nodded and followed him to the infirmary.

Once there, she did all of the scans and tests Keller wanted to run. "I'll have the test results back later, providing Ronon doesn't distract me again. I'll let you know then." John thanked her and looked at his watch. It was 18:30.

He ran to his quarters to change out of his BDUs and into some nicer civilian clothes. From there he dashed off to the commissary to get something nice for dinner. Luckily for him, they were serving chicken parmesan for dinner. He grabbed two plates of it and took a transporter to the North pier and set up a table and two chairs. He put some of the Athosian candles he had received from Teyla as a birthday present last year.

He realized there was still paint everywhere. He hastened to clean it up, but Teyla arrived almost immediately after he began cleaning. She went over to the table, but slipped and fell backward into the hot-tub John had running for after dinner.

John ran over to help her out, but slipped and fell in himself. He surfaced and saw Teyla laughing at the paint all over him. He saw how much paint he had on his shirt and started laughing as well. "Well, so much for a date." John said when they'd calmed down.

"It is not yet over, John." Teyla replied, smiling. "We may yet be able to salvage the evening.

"Very, very true." He said and kissed her. And neither of them were seen for the rest of the night.


	4. Chapter 4

Teyla woke up and stretched her arms out wards only to meet warm flesh. She yanked her arms back towards her before she remembered the events of the previous night, at which point she relaxed and curled closer to John. She fell back asleep listening to the sound of his heartbeat.

Not long after Teyla fell back asleep, John woke up and saw Teyla curled tight against him. His mind wandered to what happened last night. He grinned and gently shook Teyla awake. "Hmm… What, John?" She asked sleepily.

"Time to wake up and report for duty." John groaned. "I just want to lie in bed all day, but we can't because we have to go talk to Elizabeth." Teyla laughed and got up to get dressed. John pulled her back down and started tickling her.

"John! Stop! We must report for duty!" John stopped, but pouted until she kissed him. He sighed and got dressed as well. They walked to the control room and into Colonel Carter's office.

"Hello, Colonel Sheppard, Teyla." Sam smiled. "Have a seat." Teyla and John sat and saw Doctor Keller standing next to Colonel Carter's chair. She wasn't smiling. "Doctor Keller has the results of Elizabeth's tests…" Sam gestured for Jennifer to start speaking.

"Well, I'm afraid that she's not the same Elizabeth Weir that got captured on the Replicator homeworld. She's fully Replicator now. There's nothing human left." Jennifer looked at her shoes and hoped she wasn't disappointing them too badly. Jennifer's head flew up when a smash in front of her and she saw Colonel Sheppard's hand bleeding and a broken glass on the floor.

"I'm sorry, Colonel. We were all hoping it was really her, but it was not meant to be." Sam said with a sad look. "You and Doctor Keller should go to the infirmary so you can get that bandaged."

John nodded and started towards the door before turning around. "What's going to happen to her?" Sam sighed.

"ARG," was all Sam said and all she needed to say. John nodded before storming off to the infirmary while Jennifer flitted behind, a constant stream of apologies spilling from her mouth.

After ten minutes of this, John turned around abruptly and held up a hand to silence her. "It's not your fault." John said. "You didn't know that was going to happen. You couldn't help her in the first place. It's not your fault." He repeated again before turning back around and continuing the trek to the infirmary, where Jennifer cleaned and bandaged his hand quickly before letting him go.

From there, he walked down to the holding cell she had been placed in. "John! What's the matter?" Elizabeth asked when she saw his distraught look.

"You lied, Elizabeth. You aren't human at all. There's not even a bit of human left. You're a full Replicator." He stated harshly. Elizabeth flinched before meeting his steely gaze.

"I'm sorry, John. Truly. I just wanted to be back here so badly that I'd do anything to achieve that goal." She explained.

"Anything, huh? Even lying to your friends? The ones that trusted you?" Elizabeth cringed at his words. John just stared at her.

"John, I'm sorry. I don't know what else I can say." She said sadly.

"I'm not even sure if you know who you are anymore, let alone what you could say." John glared at her before turning sharply on his heel and walking away.

Teyla looked up from her lunch as John stormed into the commissary looking very pissed off. She raised her arm to wave him over, but saw him grab a tray and sits at a far table alone. Deciding that leaving him be was for the best, she disposed of the rest of her meal and walked to Elizabeth's cell.

When she arrived, she saw Elizabeth sitting against the wall with her knees against her chest and her arms wrapped around her legs. "I'm sorry, Teyla." She said as Teyla approached. "I know you all were trusting me and I let you down. I'm so sorry."

Teyla's heart went out to her friend. She had wanted to be back home so badly that she'd lied to everyone who knew and trusted her to get there. "I understand, Elizabeth. I understand wanting to be with the people you love, but being unable to do so. It is not your fault for still having human emotions; for still wanting to be where you belong."

"I'm not so sure, Teyla." Elizabeth said sadly. "It feels like everything's gone wrong. Like things are falling apart in front of me. I wanted to come back to the city I left with everything exactly the same. But instead, I have to lie, and then get caught. And it's selfish, I know, but I just wish that I were still human."

"It's not selfish to still want to be human, nor is it selfish to want things to have stayed the same." Teyla looked at her friend with kind eyes.

"I don't know." Elizabeth looked down and tried to stay calm. "What is going to happen to me?"

"Colonel Carter contacted Earth and told them of our situation. The IOA and most people feel that you are too big of a security threat to allow to live. I'm sorry." Teyla kept her eyes downcast as she said this. Elizabeth merely nodded.

"Teyla, can you talk to John please? Tell him I'd like to talk to him one more time?" Elizabeth pleaded silently with her eyes. Teyla nodded and walked away.

"John," Teyla began as she sat down in front of him in the mess hall. "Elizabeth would like to talk to you."

"Tell her that I don't give a damn. If she wanted to talk to me, she shouldn't have lied like that." John gathered up the remnants of his lunch and threw it in the trash can before walking to the gym angrily. Upon arriving, he started beating the crap out of the practice dummy until Teyla stepped in between.

"John, go see her." Teyla looked at him. "Now." She said with a finality in her tone that made it clear that if John did not go willingly, Teyla would drag his ass down there without a second thought.

He nodded and turned to leave when he said suddenly, "Will you come with, please? I'm afraid of what I might do without someone to stop me." Teyla nodded and walked with him to Elizabeth's cell.

As they walked through the halls, Teyla felt John's hand slip into her own and clutch it tighter and tighter as they drew nearer to their destination. "It's all right, John. She's still Elizabeth."

"I know, but I can't help but feel that she's not anymore, either." John paused. "Did that make any sense?" Teyla nodded as they continued down towards the cell. "I know that the only difference is that she's an actual machine now, instead of just a biological one, but she still feels worlds away from who she really was."

"I know, John. Now talk to her, please?" Teyla asked. John sighed and nodded, before walking into the room.

"Elizabeth? I'm sorry for snapping at you earlier. I just felt so betrayed and angry that I lost control." Elizabeth smiled sympathetically.

"It's all right, John. It happens." She smiled again. "I just wanted to talk to you again before…" She trailed off, not knowing how to word it. "Well, anyway, I just wanted to apologize for lying to you like that. I just wanted to be here so bad. I had one chance to prove I was reliable, and I messed it up."

"It's okay, Elizabeth." He smiled and opened the cell before hugging her tightly. "I'm going to miss you, Elizabeth. I don't think I'll be able to be here when they… You know."

"I'm going to miss you, too, John. And you, Teyla." Elizabeth hugged Teyla and John tightly and kissed him on the cheek before stepping back into her cell. "Good-bye. To both of you. And I wish you many years of happiness."

**A/N: FIN! I thought it was a good ending myself. No official declarations of marriage or anything, but I worked my butt off on this chapter so I could get it done.**

**  
Also, I'm SO sorry for the long wait. I just had major writer's block for so long. Anyway… La fin. And I'm probably going to be working on "Shattered" now and get that finished up. Then "Christmas Party". So my J/T fics should be done soon.**


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